Not Jack

“He gave you a potato?”

“A magic potato.”

“You remember Jack and the Beanstalk, right? What did he look like?”

“Sun burnt. Like he’d been burnt every day of his life since he was born.”

“Well what’s it supposed to do?”

“Keep you from looking like him.”

“So a guy who looks like a potato sold you a potato that’s supposed to keep you from looking like a potato?”

“Yes.”

“What did he want for it?”

“I don’t know. Didn’t ask.”

“You didn’t have to give him anything?”

“No.”

“He just gave you the potato?”

“No. He said he already got what he wanted.”

“He probably got a laugh. Or your firstborn son. Where did you do this again?”

“In the yard. He was just passing by.”

“What, did he have a sack of potatoes or something? Handing them to everyone he saw?”

“No. Just the one.”

“And he just came up and offered it.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, magic potato owner. How does it work?”

“I have to eat it.”

“Are you going to?”

“Yes. But he said it has to be roasted over a dog carcass.”

“Ah. It was our neighbor, wasn’t it?”

“Yeah.”

“You realize Russel’s been barking every night for the past two years, right?”

“Yeah. That’s why I figured it’d be good to use him for the potato.”