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PowerShell AToolbox: Get-BackPat

One of my early functions and before I graduated to animations. Cheesy backpatting for IT guys hard-at-work.


The function grabs a randomized ASCII image from a text file and a text string from another text file (like cheesy rap or Emily Dickinson) and then outputs the first to the screen with a randomized color, and the text string it converts to audio via a very robotic text to speech.

Here’s the main function. You’ll have to supply your own media files.

Function Get-BackPat {
#Reads a line from a file, backpats.csv, at random. Writes some ASCII art to the PS console from a file, backpatsascii.txt, at random. Use the -custom parameter to enter a custom tts message.
[parameter(helpmessage="For if you want it to say what you want it to say instead of what it wants to say on its own.")][string]$Custom = $Null

$Location = ENTERYOURDIRECTORYLOCATIONHERE, like c:\getpackpats

$MessageLocation = $Location + "\backpats.txt"
$ASCIILocation = $Location + "\backpatsascii.txt"

#In the ASCII .text file, put <END> between the images (but not the end of the document). In the backpats.txt file, just have each string separated by a carriage return.
$ASCIIItem = Get-Content $ASCIILocation -delimiter "<END>" | Get-Random
#Pulled background colors out because they stink. To put them back in, the parameter is -BackgroundColor. $bgc = @('Black','DarkBlue','DarkGreen','DarkCyan','DarkRed','DarkMagenta','DarkYellow','Gray','DarkGray','Blue','Green','Cyan','Red','Magenta','Yellow','White') | Get-Random
#Also, I pulled 'black' out of the below one because many consoles are black or something like it.
$FGC = @('DarkBlue','DarkGreen','DarkCyan','DarkRed','DarkMagenta','DarkYellow','Gray','DarkGray','Blue','Green','Cyan','Red','Magenta','Yellow','White') | Get-Random
Write-Host -Object $ASCIIItem -ForegroundColor $FGC

If ($Custom -eq ""){
$Messages = Get-Content $MessageLocation | Get-Random
} Else {
$Messages = $Custom
$TTS = New-Object -ComObject SAPI.SpVoice
$TTS.Speak("$Messages") | Out-Null